Consider how you’d treat someone else.
The simplest thing you can do is to imagine what you’d do if someone you cared about came to you after failing or getting rejected. What would you say to that person? How would you treat them?
Watch your language.
You may be so used to criticizing yourself that you don’t even realize that you’re doing it. So it helps to pay particular attention to the words you use to speak to yourself. If you wouldn’t say the same statements to someone you care about, then you’re being self-critical.
Comfort yourself with a physical gesture.
Kind physical gestures have an immediate effect on our bodies, activating the soothing parasympathetic system.
Specifically, physical gestures “get you out of your head and drop you into your body,” she said, which is important since “the head loves to run away with storylines.” For instance, she suggested putting your hands over your heart or simply holding your arm. Any gesture will do.
Memorize a set of compassionate phrases.
Whenever you find yourself saying, “I’m horrible,” it helps to have a few phrases at the ready. Pick statements that really resonate with you. Combining that with a physical gesture — like hands over your heart — is especially powerful. Try using the following phrases:
This is a moment of suffering.
Suffering is part of life.
May I be kind to myself in this moment?
May I give myself the compassion I need?
Practice guided meditation.
Meditation helps to retrain the brain.
This way, self-compassionate gestures and self-soothing become more natural.
